My Top Ten Films of 2016 Explained

The promised explanation for my top 10 films of 2016, mostly because I got the expected squawking noises from the expected source.

First, these are also the only films I saw in the cinema in 2016.  It's a mixture of things, mostly that I no longer have my Cineworld card because the nearest Cineworld to me is now an hour and a half away.  Nothing against the cinema I do have near me, but it does mean going to the cinema has suddenly got more expensive.  My new job is also taking up a lot more of my time than my previous one, which hasn't helped.

The full logic behind my system can be found here, but the short version is did the film do what it was supposed to do?  Was it technically competent?  Did it make me want to go 'but that makes no sense?,' and did it affect me?

1 - Kubo And The Two Strings

I return to my original review of Kubo - "You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll fall in love with a child, a monkey, a beetle and an origami figure." (which someone said summed it up perfectly, which is one of the nicest complements I've ever been paid).  It's amazing, a like a good figure skating programme, the sheer artistry of it means you don't notice exactly how amazing the puppet work is, because you forget it's stop motion animation and get completely caught up in the story.

It's truly, truly amazing.

2 - The Jungle Book

I am the only person who could have done without the songs.  They pulled me out of the film something chronic.  Other than that, it was all good.  It's lovingly made, the effects are incredible and it's the only 2016 film that made me cry courtesy of Lupita Nyong'o's Raksha. (Kubo made me make all kinds of peculiar noises instead).

3 - Captain America: Civil War

Definitely the best of the comic book films this year.  It was all interesting shades of grey, and right, wrong and ish, in the way good comics are.  Also Black Panther and Zemo and *that* scene in the snow.

4 - Suicide Squad

Mostly for the visuals and the sense of fun which the rest of the DC-verse seems to lack.  And the soundtrack.  And Deadshot and Harley Quinn.  Oh I loved Harley Quinn and Deadshot so much.  And Amanda Waller - well love might not be the right word, suitably impressed might be better.

I'm happy with my top four and the order that they're in.  It's after the top four that I start prevaricating.

5 - Batman vs Superman

I loved the Bat parts of the film, except how the film kept trying to tell me that he was doing the wrong thing when I think he was doing the only sensible thing, and that's not just Bat-bias.

I can see what they were trying to do with Lex Luthor even if it didn't work.  The film's quality jumps amazingly every time it's Holly Hunter vs Lex Luthor.

They still don't get Superman, which is a problem when he's the co-headliner.  And because of that it feels like the film lacks heart.

6 - Star Wars: The Force Awakens

I preferred this film when it was called "A New Hope".  And there's yet another JJ Abrams character with Daddy Issues.  And dear lord, do Kylo Ren's many flaws ever make it seem like Luke is the worst Jedi master ever.

That being said, I do love Finn and Rey, and exactly how little time the First Order rank and file have for Kylo Ren's temper tantrums.

7 - Star Trek Beyond

I enjoyed this a lot.  Especially Jaylah.  And Justin Lin can direct all the things because he really conveyed exactly how 3D space and space stations are.

But ...

I kept forgetting I had seen this when I was counting the films I'd seen this year.  That's not a good sign.

8 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

This was good clean mindless fun.  And when I went to see it that was exactly what I wanted to see.  It does exactly what it says on the tin.  And Bebop and Rocksteady are perfect.  Actually perfect.

9 - Doctor Strange

The cape apart, this felt flat, like it was too concerned with setting up the next Avengers film and its own sequel to be a good film itself.  Loved the Night Nurse (and Wong) but the rest of it was flat.

10 - X-Men: Apocalypse

I may have enjoyed it in parts but I have to acknowledge it was terrible.

It felt like half the film was missing.  Our heroes successes came too easily and it tied everything up far too neatly.  Apocalypse felt like an afterthought in his own film and too much of the film felt like generic superhero film, which X-Men should never feel like.

It's a shame, because parts of it were wonderful, mostly the sore, ouchy character bits like Quicksilver's complete inability to spit it out re: his Dad, and Mystique comforting the newbies when they were flying to the finale when you realise that she and Hank are the only ones from their generation left alive.

It should have been so much better.

My Top 10 Films of 2016

That I saw in the cinema.  Full logic to come later.

1 - Kubo and the Two Strings

2 - The Jungle Book

3 - Captain America: Civil War

4 - Suicide Squad

5 - Batman vs Superman

6 - Star Wars: The Force Awakens

7 - Star Trek Beyond

8 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

9 - Doctor Strange

10 - X-Men: Apocalypse

I know I am very part of the problem because Kubo is the only one of the films that isn't a sequel or related to an existing property.  And while I'm sure about the order down to 4, 5 through to 8 are very much in flux.

My lunatic plan for the Mercedes Second Seat

Or musical Formula 1 chairs

While I am completely in favour of whoever Mercedes pick, as long as it's Valtteri Bottas, Nico Hulkenberg or Pascal Wehrlein, this is my plan on what to do with the second Mercedes seat.

I came up with this when I realised that there were 20 races per season and 20 other non-Hamilton drivers.

You might have guessed where this is going.

The other drivers draw a number from a hat, from 1 to 20.  Each race is numbered 1 to 20.  The driver with that number gets the second Mercedes seat for that race.

While I am aware of all kind of problems with that, not least of all practise time and getting race seats fitted, think of all the fun arguments it would settle.  For instance, Hamilton vs Vettel in the same car.  Think also of the fun arguments it would start.  For instance "no fair, driver X only had the seat at race Y which gave him no chance," or "just typical, Z was in the Mercedes the time it failed."  It would mean we could actually compare say Daniil Kvyat and Max Verstappen, or argue that the two races they were in were too different to compare.

So, what's in it for the other teams?

Well, as well as driver two's points counting for Mercedes, they count for their home team too.  Which means that the fight between the teams at the back might get a bit closer, and a bit more interesting (sorry to the Manor fans I know).

The smaller teams might be able to wring more money out of their pay drivers which should help their development for 2018.

What's in it for Mercedes?

Very little, other than my eternal gratitude.  But they'd also be able to show how good their car was if they won the constructor's title despite this nonsense.

I know it's never going to happen, but wouldn't it be fun.

On Nico Rosberg's Retirement

Rosberg’s retirement didn't surprise me as much as it seems to have shocked other people. The timing surprised me, I am not Nostradamus, but not him retiring.

Rosberg has always struck me as a sensible person, in both senses of the word.  I think he knows he’s not a better racing driver than Hamilton and that one World Championship is likely to be as good as it gets.  I think he also knows that there’s no point in carrying on doing something you don’t enjoy when you’ve achieved all you can and have all the money you will ever need.  There was also a certain amount of writing on the wall about his future given how slow Mercedes were being to renew his contract in mid-season.

I have no idea what Rosberg plans to do next, but I hope he has a lot of fun.

I think part of the reason people were so taken aback by his retirement is that most of us would do any number of truly terrible things to become Formula 1 drivers. Yet, there he is, walking away from the best car in the pack, a car that’s still likely to be the best next year, even with the rule changes.

Of course, I suspect that being an F1 driver is one of those things that looks a lot more fun than it actually is.  We get to see the best bits, the actual racing, not the hours of testing, simulating, and work that goes into it.  While it’s about F1 mechanics, there was a really interesting article on the BBC website about the realities of life in Formula 1 which I would recommend.

There is a large part of me that respects Rosberg for leaving as much as anything else he’s done because there must have been great pressure on him to stay.

One thing that does interest me is the number of people who refuse to believe that Rosberg has retired because he wants to spend more time with his family.  Now I know that it’s the traditional fake reason for politicians, but look at Rosberg’s life.  He’s got a wife and a new daughter, that the job kept him away from.  He’s made all the money he’s ever going to need, so he doesn’t need the job, and the job has already killed someone he knew.  If you look at it like that, it makes a lot of sense.

I’m also interested in the way that when a female sportsperson retires to start a family or spend more time with hers, it’s treated as perfectly normal, but if a male sportsperson does it, the sportsman is lying.  People either have a really skewed view of the world, or they don’t think that men love their families as much as women do.  Either way, I feel so sorry for people who feel like that, they seem to be missing out on rather a lot of joy in their lives.

Perfectly Gentlemanly Conduct

I’ve got no problem with what Lewis Hamilton did at the Abu Dhabi grand prix. This is for two reasons :

1 - I am a Ferrari fan and while the team motto isn't “we lie, we cheat, we steal” it easily could be. I have no room to complain about anyone bending the rules.

2 - Hamilton was fighting for the world title. Nothing he did endangered anyone's safety, and Mercedes had already won the constructors World title. There was nothing wrong with what Hamilton did and I'm still not sure why the Mercedes team management tried to interfere.

My only problem comes when he tries to pretend he didn't deliberately slow down to try to help Vettel and Verstappen try to overtake Rosberg. It's like “Lewis, who do you think you’re kidding?” The superiority of the Mercedes to the other cars has been a theme for the past few seasons. It was half a second faster than the next nearest car in qualifying. You can say all you want about tire and fuel management, but there are limits. If he’d said it while tipping a wink, it wouldn’t be so bad. Instead he bald-facedly said he was driving the car at its maximum, when it was clear to everyone from team management down that he wasn’t.

Nobody would think any the less of him for trying everything he could. All of us would have done something similar for such an important prize.

So why lie? 

It’s not like Formula 1 isn’t a sport known for its skullduggery. For example Red Bull’s flexible wings, Brawn’s F-ducts and everything Ferrari did in the years 1996-2009.

I can only imagine he’s either trying to live up to his image of Senna or he’s trying to protect the Lewis Hamilton brand. I’m not sure if either of those two are reasonable.

That image of Senna bares no resemblance to the Senna I remember. The real Senna punched Eddie Irvine and rammed Prost off the road. I think everyone loved Senna with all his flaws a lot more than they would have loved the milquetoast saint he’s sometimes made out to be. For similar reasons, I’m not convinced that Brand Hamiliton wouldn’t profit from him showing a more fighting side. Because of the technical dominance of Mercedes, the last two of Hamilton's title wins have had the air of coronations about them. I think people love a fighting champ a lot more than a serene one. Being willing to show a little steel would have endeared him to people more than 'I didn't do it' does.

Doctor Strange

Doctor Strange is a brilliant example of the danger of expectations.

I expected cool SFX and Mads Mikkelsen.  I got that, and bonus Benedict Wong, so I was happy.  L expected a film that actually worked on its own merits and was left disappointed.  It is quite a flat film, that spends most of its time setting up its own sequel and whatever the Marvel Cinematic Universe equivalent of the Infinity Wars is going to be.

It's also telling that the memorable scenes are the ones with very little in the way of obvious SFX, where they give the actors are given something to do.

I want 16 films of Rachel McAdams's Nurse Palmer going 'oh FFS' at superheroics.  But then again I am entirely happy with the idea of 16 films with Rachel McAdams in.  Dear Hollywood, please cast her in more things.

Spoilers Underneath

For all that I'm supposed to think Doctor Strange is a bit much, he's not actually that much worse than several doctors I know.

I know that Marvel have said that the flyer with a broken spine is not Rhodey, but 1) I think they're lying and 2) if it's Sam Wilson, I riot.

I can't help but feel more sorry for Doctor Strange in the scene where he shouts at Christine than the film wants me to, not least because he was a lot more polite than I would have been.  I don't know if that's because I know how much time and effort you have to become a neurosurgeon, never mind one at the top of his field.  I did like the irony of other surgeons saying to him re: his condition.

One interesting thing is how much Kaecilius thinks that what he's doing is the right thing (as does Mordo, and the Ancient One).

I can see why people make the Tony Stark / Stephen Strange parallels, except it misses the important thing about them.  Tony is driven by not wanting to let his father down, while Stephen Strange is driven by his belief in his own greatness.  Strange doesn't have the same self-destructive tendencies as Tony.  Tony would happily get himself killed several times over to save the Earth or Universe, but I doubt he'd have come up with a plan that got himself out of it alive too.

They've also got very different attitudes to killing people.  I like how seriously Doctor Strange takes the whole try not to kill thing.  The fight scenes did lead to me going hallo there Scott Adkins.  He has joined that select group of people that I recognise from their shoulders.  Maybe recognise isn't the right word, because I couldn't put a name to the shoulders, but I did go 'I know those shoulders from somewhere else'.

Like lots of superhero films, both Marvel and not, the end boss is a bit of an anti-climax.  Although I am deeply amused by the method used to defeat him, it all seemed so easy, and the cost doesn't become apparent until the end stinger.

Saying Chiwetel Ejiofor is good is telling you stuff you already know, but he was oh so good when the film finally gave him something to do.  It meant that for all that this film was flat, I am looking forward to the sequel just for Mordo vs Strange.  But that's exactly what I mean when I say the film spent a lot of time setting up its sequel rather than being its own film.

End Spoilers

Disney Marvel are missing out on oodles of money by not having a Doctor Strange replica cape for sale.  As this isn't like them at all, I do wonder if it's to avoid lawsuits from parents of children who try to levitate.  If they do ever bring out a replica cape, I will be all over that.

I am very aware of the film's flaws, but I am the target audience so I enjoyed it.  To paraphrase N on Facebook, "make a competent films with Marvel Studios at the beginning and I'll enjoy it".

On Poppies

I wear a red poppy.

Yes, it's a political act and I've no idea why people pretend it isn't.  I've stood up for peoples's right not to wear one, or to wear a white one, and would happily do so again.  My choice is to wear a red one.

I wear my poppy for my great-grandfather, this year more than usual, because it is 100 years, almost to the day, that he died in the First World War.  He left behind a wife and four children.

I wear my poppy for the American branch of the family, who were founded by two GI War Brides, and have had servicemen since, including my cousin who met his wife while on service.

I wear my poppy for my friends that joined up straight from school.  They've now mostly served their time and left, and nothing bad happened to them, but it's good to know the British Legion are there to help if it had.

I wear my poppy for the three lads I met on the Manchester train who were on weekend leave from Army training, because Lord love 'em, they might need help and I can't trust the government to be there for them.

That's why I wear a poppy.

An Apology To The Buffalo Bills

I feel I owe the Buffalo Bills an apology. I fear their terrible start to the season might be partly my fault. It's a complete accident I swear.  And I meant well.

I brought my friend a Bills painted skull back from Mexico and I think it might be cursed.

It was bought with good intentions, I even hunted for it when, because of their previous uselessness, Bills paraphenalia was hard to find.  I am not kidding.  It was easier to find Calgary Stampeders and BC Lions gear.  I finally found the cursed artefact of doom on the last day of the trip.  I thought it was a sign.  And it might have been, but not the good kind.

Possibly the skull should not have been bought.

Although if the Bills somehow win the whole boondoggle from that sort of start, I reserve the right to take the credit for that too.

Blog Update

Unfortunately, I have no internet connection at home, and probably won't have until the middle of November.

The main thing I'm missing is the ability to edit Wikipedia. At some point the giant secret data visualisation project turned into a giant secret data visualisation and Wikipedia improvement project.  This is at least partly due to poor data quality and non-updated Wikipedia articles.  There will be more details when I finally finish the giant secret data visualisation project.  At this point that looks to be some time shortly before doomsday.

Other than that, I've got a few blog posts lined up.  They cover travelling, film and science stuff rather than sport.  Although I do have one American football post lined up.

Ta-ta for now.

Suicide Squad

Was far better than it had any right to be.

As in was actually fun.  And Will Smith is amazing.  As is Margot Robble.  And I <3 Diablo, and Katana and Captain Boomerang.

Joel Kinnaman looks terrifyingly like Carmine Giovinazzo, so I apologise in advance if I make any Danny Messer on steroids jokes.

It's only as I'm reading back through this that I realise that I've gone through the film character by character rather than thematically or chronologically.  This wasn't deliberate but may well show one of the weaknesses of the film.  It's a series of character bits strung together with action scenes.  Now I don't mind that at all, but other people will.

Some spoilers for Batman vs Superman follow (because they're in the film) and mention of most of the Marvel Filmverse.

Spoilers Beneath

The story mostly makes sense.  There's a couple of moments of 'that move was too boneheaded for that character to make' but we will forgive them for this.  The characters work as versions of themselves, even if a few people have had some of their rougher edges smoothed down.  It is interesting, for instance, that the film does flash up that Harley was involved with Robin's death but it is blink and you'll miss it.

The film is tightly tied to Batman vs Superman, and I'm not sure how I feel about it.  On the one hand, Suicide Squad does its bit to set up Justice League with a much lighter, easier and more fun touch than B v S did.  On the other hand, I feel that this means that the Batfleck solo film we're going to get (thank you, whoever) is going to be Bats vs the Joker, again.  And while I am all over that, because ... oh I'm hopeless, I do feel it's been done and is only going to be compared to The Dark Knight, and that may not end well.

I am aware I am the only person that liked the Leto Joker.  He doesn't quite work, but it is at least blatantly not based on the Ledger-Joker (no diss against him).  Given that other films keep turning other characters into the Ledger-Joker it's a refreshing change.  Also Jared Leto is the only person who looks more terrifying out of Joker make up than in it.  Harley's fantasy is legitimately eerie.

Deadshot is lovely, and it's one of the interesting things about the film, that he is clearly a good guy and a bad man at the same time.  And Will Smith is good at both.  Better at being the good guy but ... Deadshot so lovely.  As is his daughter.  Whose name I didn't catch.  In the film's defence, I can't hear out of my right ear properly at the moment so I don't think it was their fault.

The film gave me an Amanda Waller who was just right.  Because yes.  Although it does worry me somewhat that her line on the topic of Superman is mine.  No good comes of me and Amanda Waller agreeing.  I also liked that the film let the "heroes" (well, you know) call her out when she does things that are really not good, see also *that* scene in the bunker.  One of the things that annoyed me about the first Avengers film and the second Captain America film is that Nick Fury kept doing things that were decidedly shades of grey and no-one shouted at him.  I don't mind Nat and Clint not doing it, but I refuse to believe that Tony would be able to keep his opinions to himself.  Also, I think she knows about the Bat and that makes me want to yell at Bruce going 'Bruce, you really don't want her to know'.

Harley Quinn was, well, she was herself.  I can see why people might be annoyed that she always goes back to her Pudding.  But the whole thing with her character is that she would (and indeed is) lovely, if only she avoids the Joker.  And they got that over.  Margot Robble is far better than I expected her to be.  My favourite scene was the one just after the helicopter is shot down when the rest of the Squad find her again.  The minute she sees them she tries to fake being alright, and then Deadshot holds his arms out so she can get down and she just melts into his arms.  It's so lovely.  Because Deadshot is lovely.

Actually, the whole escape sequence is lovely.  From Deadshot not telling anyone about Harley's plans to him pulling his shot (and the rest of the squad being happy about it) and Captain Boomerang, who is by someway the member with the least empathy, trying to comfort him when the helicopter is shot down.

Joel Kinnaman does a bang up job in what could have been a thankless role.  Because Flagg is the least bad of the good guys (because that's how this film does it's shades of grey), and less interesting than the bad guys and could just have been a bland GI Joe a-like. Instead Kinnaman gives him a reality and just enough human weakness to believable and real and solid.  (Although the rest of the military squad were pretty much misc. disposable military types and hello Scott Eastwood.  Because Scott Eastwood is always hello!)

I am going to presume that they cast Cara Delavigne for her ability to gyrate convincingly in very little for that bit at the end with the Enchantress.  It doesn't work.  Then again, I don't think anyone would have been convincing doing those gyrations, Josephine Baker notwithstanding.

Jay Hernandez is good as Diablo, who gets to be the regretful one of the squad.  I think he's literally the only one who regrets their crimes.

Captain Boomerang, on the other hand, really doesn't.  He's, I think, the only one of the Squad who isn't given some excuse or reason or redeeming feature.  He's fun, nonetheless, and it makes those moments where he is vaguely human more effective.  It's interesting that they choose him, who is the least dangerous and deadly Squad member as the one without redeeming features.

His accent is merely ludicrous.  I have no idea if Jai Courtney just can't do an Aussie accent, or if he's an Aussie they told to put on the most stereotypical and ridiculous accent ever.  All I know is that it sounds even more bizarre given that Margot Robble occasionally breaks into 'Strine next to him.

I <3 Killer Croc, which I really didn't expect.  He's one of the few Bat-villains I know more from the comics than any adaptation, and I'm used to feeling sorry for him, but not loving him.  Because he knows what he is, and he's okay with it - see the scene in the bar.  (Also, just cast Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje in everything.)  I'm also trying to figure out if his line about 'being born into the sewers' is supposed to be a call-back to Bane.

Nothing about Katana makes any sense.  If she's got Flagg's back, then why does she leave him and join the rest of the Squad in the bar scene?  But if she's one of the Squad, why is she allowed to roam free?  She's cool, but as I said, makes no sense.

It's not a classic by any means, but its a fun way to spend a couple of hours, and if nothing else, it has a cracking soundtrack.  I really don't want to know how much Warners paid to get that soundtrack.