Book Review - As Good As It Gets - The Story of St Helens' Grand Slam Class of 2006

This book is about the glorious, all-conquering Saints team that won every trophy 🏆 available to them in 2006.

It’s written by Mike Critchley who works as the sports editor for one of the local papers, the St Helens Star.  He sets the team’s year in context, not just of rugby league, but also the team’s importance to the town.

It’s wonderfully one-sided.  It’s also written in authentic Northern gibberish in parts, to the point that I feel like asking my London correspondent if it makes any sense to someone not from my neck of the woods.

The pro-Saints angle actually quite nice, because it’s so common that Saints don’t get the credit they deserve.  It does occasionally leave me wanting more information or analysis than the book gives.  But that’s understandable because it is quite clearly designed to be an happy overview of that glorious season, not an in-depth rugby analysis book.

The book is also rather obviously pro-Daniel Anderson.  Which makes sense.  It was a season of success that was partly down to his tactical choices and player rotation.  It should actually have been his second title.  Saints would have won the title the year before if Sean Long hadn’t had his face broken in a match against Wigan. No part of that last sentence is an exaggeration.  But the book chooses to do this not just by bigging up Daniel Anderson, which is reasonable, but by putting down Ian Millward at any opportunity.  I have no idea what Mr. Millward did to the author but it must have been something.  (It's Ian Millward and the author is a journalist so I presume Millward swore at him.)

That, and a couple of “I do not think it means what you think it means” word usage issues, are the only problems I found.

It was interesting to get an insight into how a successful team works, and how it really is all the little things and building things up step by step.  The Ade Gardener section, and indeed Gardener’s own analysis of both season and how wing-play works in rugby league, was probably the most interesting part, but there were lots of interesting tidbits.

As for an actual number of stars, this is 5/5 for a Saints fan, 4/5 for rugby league fans and probably 3/5 for other sport fans.

Alvarez vs Golovkin

Since I’ve written about the freakshow and turned out to be mostly right, I feel I ought to write about an actual boxing match.  And Alvarez vs Golovkin could be a damn good boxing match.

I always feel I don't give Canelo the respect he deserves.  Because he's good, he lets his boxing do the talking and he doesn't duck fights.  He's a model professional in a time when that's a rare commodity.

But he’s fighting Golovkin and I <3 Gennady Golovkin.

I first became aware of Golovkin sometime around the time he moved to the US.  Mostly I noticed the number of boxers trying to avoid him.  It annoyed me because I was worried that he’d never get to make his name because he wouldn’t have strong opposition.

I am so pleased he proved me wrong.

I like tidy boxers, which he is.  I like no-nonsense boxers, which he is.  Also, you know baby-faced Kazakh destroyer :D

His technique is not perfect; I wish he’d use his feet more to get out of range because he takes way too many punches.  It’s all well and good being an iron jaw (and an iron face in general) but, as someone said about Carl Froch, all that means is people keep hitting you in the face.

I look forward to this fight (and the BBC’s excellent radio commentary).  It should be a good match-up between two stand-up boxers with solid technique.  It’s exactly what I want from boxing.

Atomic Blonde

Atomic Blonde is a great soundtrack in search of a film.

I think my anger with the film is because of its wasted potential. It could, and should, have been so much better.

The acting is solid, as is the directing and the technical stuff. The make-up department deserve an Oscar nomination. No, seriously. A character goes into shock and they made the character up to the right shade of pale.

The problem is the plot.

It makes no sense. No, seriously.

Without the last two "twists" (neither of which is a twist if you'd paid any attention during the film), it just about makes sense, because of some serious legwork by the actors, mostly Charlize Theron.

SPOILERS BEGIN HERE

With the penultimate twist, it becomes a solid entry in the gay spy drama category.

Think about it, young British agent, commits a lesbian indiscretion and is blackmailed by the Soviets, becoming Satchel. In protecting herself, she loses yet another chance at happiness and gets Delphine, who is very much the girl she was, killed. But she's got to see it through to get her freedom. It's all very bleak and actually works with the story.

Unfortunately, that's when they throw in the last twist. Which isn't really a twist and ruins all that has gone before. I'm not joking about it not being a twist. If you've ever heard John Goodman's voice before, you'll get it about halfway through the film.

With the last twist, a CIA op has killed 3 Allied agents, and one defector, mostly because of a lack of communication by the CIA. And we're supposed to be happy about this and think it was a successful operation.

Also, MI6 is so incompetent that it didn't notice a CIA mole, who was pretending to be a Russian mole, for about 10 years.

You've got poor Spyglass, killed trying to do the right thing.

Then poor David Percival, who is a see you next Tuesday, don't get me wrong, and in the throws of the traditional British spy middle-life crisis, who finds out that a friend of his was killed by the Russians to protect someone who has betrayed Percival's government, and therefore goes all dark side. We're supposed to be happy she kills him, and that he gets blamed for the whole thing, even though she's the mole and there isn't a mole, she's actually triple-agent but the CIA didn't bother to tell anyone. And I'm like ... no.

In short, when your most sympathetic character is a Stasi agent, there is something wrong with the film! 

I'm not even going to go into the really weird thing where there is only 1 German actor, who gets no lines in German. All the other Germans and Russians are played by Scandinavians. Now the amassed Vikings all do a damn good job (no, seriously, all my love for Roland Møller and Bill Skarsgård) but if you're actually filming in Germany, which this was, it's a bloody odd casting choice.

Mo Money, No Problems - Or Mayweather is going to win Mayweather vs McGregor

Mayweather will win Mayweather vs McGregor. He was always going to. He won it the minute it was announced as a boxing match, not that he would have agreed to an MMA match (nor should he have been expected to). Mayweather is very proud of the 0 in his defeats column and, at this stage of his career, he’s not going to risk it. If he thought there was a chance of losing, Mayweather wouldn’t have agreed to the fight.

People keep saying that it just takes one punch to knock someone out, and that that’s the beauty of boxing. But Mayweather’s style of boxing has always been to avoid getting hit and he has faced far better boxers than McGregor. Mayweather’s counter-punching style is also going to frustrate the heck out of McGregor, making a wild haymaker from McGregor more likely, which opens him up to a body-shot from Mayweather. And Mayweather body-shots are a thing of vicious beauty.

McGregor went into this knowing all of that, and is making no bones about being in this for the money, so I don’t think even he thinks he’ll win. He’ll still try, bless him, but he’s not going to win.
McGregor has one chance - he can win if Mayweather turns up too old. There’s no way of telling when that will happen to an athlete (Bernard Hopkins was fine till he hit 50, other people are too old at 30.). I think this is unlikely to happen to Mayweather for 2 reasons.

1 - Mayweather keeps himself quite near to game shape in between fights. I suspect this causes less wear and tear and keeps him fresher than if he kept having to do big weight cuts before each bout.

2 - Like I said before, Mayweather is really proud of that 0. If he thinks he’s lost a step, he’s going to call the fight off.

I can see the match going a couple of rounds, because, weird match against Ortiz notwithstanding, Mayweather hasn’t gone less than 10 rounds since 2006. I don’t think it will reach 10 rounds, mind you, because I really do think McGregor’s going to go for a haymaker and get body-shot before then. I can see it going 4 rounds. That’s long enough that people are going to think they’ve got their money’s worth and won’t complain too much. Although, in the UK, I do not understand why you’d pay to watch this freakshow (let us call it what it is) when you could listen to it on the radio for free.

Film Locations

An update of this post. Includes films watched up to the 15th February 2015. First things first, I really do like the new pie chart layout from google docs. It's much neater and easier to read. The number of films set in the US is the section that's increased in size the most. As before, there's a much greater spread of locations than in the books I read. Are completely skewed towards England. At least the outer space set films still haven't overtaken French-based films.

Halos, Shields and Fighter Jet Canopys, Oh My!

The FIA have pre-empted this post by going with the halo design but I was going to write something about the plans for increasing cockpit safety anyway.

Your fears are formed by what you see.

The two most recent serious F1 accidents have featured something hitting the driver's head while they're seated in their vehicle.  Understandably, this has led to calls for fully enclosed cockpits to be used in F1.  The first F1 accident I remember was Gerhard Berger's 1989 crash at Imola.  Which I swear is where my fear of burning to death comes from.  Now, that ended happily, or at least only with minor injuries, but the main reason I don't like the idea of having fighter jet-style canopies is what happens if they fail to release.

The other problem with a full canopy is how it would be cleaned as it got dirty.  If the driver is fully sealed, he can't just rip off a tear-off strip the way you can with helmets.  Sure, the mechanics could do it during a pit stop.  But what if it got dirty in-between times, or if the car in front sprayed oil all over the canopy because of a mechanical failure?

I suspect these problems, or something similar, are the reason why the FIA and the teams haven't even tried anything like a full, sealed canopy.

With a "shield", there aren't the same problems.  The driver can get out, and I presume tear-offs can be made for them.  On the other hand, objects can still bounce off and in, and something could go over and in to the cockpit.  I don't think that you're ever going to be able to make any motorsport 100% safe, but I think the shield is probably the best option.  It mixes increasing safety without introducing different risks or just leaving things as is of the solutions so far put forward.

I don't get what the halo is supposed to do.  I'm sure I'm missing something, and I'm sure someone with more engineering know-how can explain it to me.  It seems to offer very little extra protection while reducing the driver's field of vision.  I don't think the central column visibility issues will be as bad as it looks (see also how quickly you can get used to seeing through mesh in a fencing mask).  However, I've no idea how it's supposed to prevent objects entering the cockpit.  It seems to only be capable of preventing things if they're on a trajectory that crosses over the halo pillars and bars.

The FIA have gone with the halo over the shield.  I'm sure they have their reasons.  I'm sure they are good reasons.  It would be nice to know what those reasons are because from the outside, it looks like a ridiculous decision.

Mama Do - Why motherhood doesn't have to be the end of Serena Williams's career

The minute Serena Williams announced that she was pregnant, various journalists dusted down their "is this the end of (famous sportswoman)'s career" articles.

This is annoying for a variety of reasons.

The first is that it really is always the same article, with just the name of the sportswoman and the sport changed.

The second is that, if Serena chooses to come back, it's not the end of her career.  Sportswomen can, do and have achieved after having children.  For instance, <a href="http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/olympics/rio-2016-jessica-ennis-hill-takes-silver-in-thrilling-conclusion-to-womens-heptathlon-a7189731.html">Olympic silver</a> in the heptathlon, generally regarded as the most physically demanding of the athletics disciplines.  Or you know, being <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fanny_Blankers-Koen">the Flying Housewife</a>.

But I suppose they don't play tennis.  Like oh, Kim Clijsters, who won the US Open after giving birth, and she's not the physical force that Serena is.

Those are sport or related reasons.  The remainder of the reasons are more society based.
The social construct of "the perfect mother" appears to exist only to make all mothers feel bad.  (Any mothers reading this, you are amazing.)  The perfect mother, she does not and cannot exist.

More than that, the extreme self-sacrifice that this ridiculous construct demands, that a mother no longer has her own life outside that of the identity of mother isn't safe or healthy for the mother, her children or any attendant partners.

Reporters and journalists are intelligent people and shouldn't be buying into it or propagating it.

There's also this weird idea that Serena (or any other woman) will be so overcome by the awesomeness of having a child that she will not be interested in pursuing her career.  I don't have children, but my mother would like to tell you that this is nonsense.  I have her permission to quote her.

The interesting double standard is that it's assumed that no man would be so distracted by having children that he'd want to stop his career.  There's no "will Murray stop playing tennis now that there's a second mini Murray on the way?" articles.  If kids are so all-consumingly awesome, you'd think both parents would be affected.

Every woman's choice is different, and it is her choice.

I realise journalists have to fill up the column inches so how to earn their pay.  Maybe next time though write about a British (change nationality as applicable) junior that's doing good rather than digging out the old "is this the end of (famous sportswoman)'s career" article again.

Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2

Which I enjoyed.  It might not have been as good as the first but it made me cry as much.

The main thing I disliked was that the characters were too broad in the first half so the reconciliation in the second half would work.  But it did work.  Probably better than the equivalent scene in the first one.

The character-is-a-screw-up-because-of-missing-Dad is a trope I could live without, but at least Peter Quill has a better reason than most.  Peter Quill is still the one of the gang I like the least but that is not Chris Pratt's fault, as he does a damn fine job.

The film struck all the "I'd still rather have the Farscape film this isn't" chords that the first one did.  Not helped by bonus Ben Browder.  (Who got this film's giggle of recognition.)

And also every other Australian actor I sort of recognised.  Although I want Elizabeth Debicki in all the films.  I really like how they did the Sovereigns (or however one is supposed to pluralise that), that mixture of dangerous and silly.

The cool thing about the Guardians of the Galaxy films is that they acknowledge that they're based on comics so they occasionally go "stuff physics and reality".  It is glorious.  As is James Gunn's direction.  Can he direct all the things?  Because he makes everything look so pretty.

Spoilers begin below

There was no real twist to the story.  The obvious thing was obvious and Yondu was far too cool to live. Also, he's a father in a Hollywood film.  But that's okay.  See Hollywood, films don't need twists.  What they need is character and motive.

This film is totally going into evidence as to why you never trust a guy who woos you with someone else's song lyrics.  I do like that they make it clear that Ego is lying while he's lying, just from the sculptures he shows.

I love Baby Groot less than grown Groot, but there are few characters I like more than grown Groot.  (I am Groot).  That being said Baby Groot's fighting technique and mine are horrifyingly similar.  And he is adorable.  I especially loved that scene with Baby Groot and Peter at the end when Father and Son was playing (hey, film, that's cheating).  I think it's because Peter was so worried that he's going to screw up like his father and Yondu did (accidentally on the part of Yondu) and eeee!

Gamora is such the big sister.  And loves Nebula despite everything.  I also <3 Nebula and her grim determination and her knowledge of who the major problem in her life is (Thanos, always Thanos).

I am totally here for the Expendables in Space with Michelle Yeoh if anyone wants to make it.  Really, please :)

All those who suspect Craggle is yet another lost boy Yondu picked up somewhere along the line say yeah.

Drax is my favourite (if we ignore Groot.  Temporarily.)  Although that highlights one of the things I like about GOTG is that I do actually like all of the good guys.  Drax is hopeless in the best possible way.  He's the character that suffers the most from the broadening in the first half.  But when it comes down to it, Drax is there for them, utterly.  I loved the shot where he lifts Mantis up as they're being eaten by the Ego-planet.  Because he's literally using the last of his energy to try to save her.

Of course I love Mantis, as I was supposed to.  The film does something interesting.  Normally, when there's a character who is "not pretty", the character is played by someone who is either 1) actually pretty and we're supposed to ignore that or 2) there's a reveal scene where they're "prettied" up and we're supposed to be shocked.  GOTG2 avoids this by making it clear that Drax is crazy, but it's cultural crazy so Drax can't help it.  I loved that that Drax doesn't love Mantis any less just because she is hideous to his eyes.

Rocket is a hard character to love, and that's deliberate.  I did love the scene with him and Yondu, because Yondu is right, they are so very similar.  I'm intrigued by the way Yondu has enough self-knowledge to recognise Rocket's brand of self-sabotage, but not enough to stop himself for doing it.  Because at least half of his downfall is him being an arsehole to his crew (don't be mean to your underlings is a lesson many people should learn).

At the same time, Rocket's Rocketness is what helps him save the others because you know Gamorra and Drax would have waited for Peter even if it had meant death.  Drax especially.  Which Dave Batista really sells.  At some point Dave Batista has become a more than passable actor.

Anyone who knows me can guess the precise second when I started crying.  And you'd be right with your guess.  The film viciously goes for my button of "doing a good thing with no expectation of reward", and then Yondu gets his reward and a proper Ravager funeral and ... well yeah, I cried and hard.

While it didn't quite work for me, I like that the film went full bore on its themes and linked everything together.

Magic Weekend

Last weekend, as I was in Newcastle, I took the opportunity to go to Magic Weekend at St. James’s Park.

Magic Weekend is when all 12 Super League rugby teams play in one stadium over the course of 6 matches, 3 on Saturday and 3 on Sunday.  It’s £40 for all 6 matches, which is a very good deal.

Now, I’m not saying I had the best view in the house, but I pretty much did.  

I missed the first ten minutes of Wakefield Wildcats vs Widnes Vikings.  On the way down to St. James’s I saw a couple in full Viking dress.  Complete with hat and horns.  

Other important Widnes information includes the fact that the Viking fanclub is called the Stronghold.  Because of course it is.

The Widnes mascot was fantastic fun.  In between hitting the Wildcat mascot with his axe (don’t worry, they hugged and made up

), and lending a Widnes fan in a wheelchair the axe and running her up and down the side of the stadium so that she could hit people with it, he was fun chaos.  And trust me, if you’re anything to do with Widnes, you need your fun from somewhere.

I did figure out what Widnes’s problem was.  They’ve got nothing going forward, so they have to defend constantly.  That leads to them tiring, their opposition scoring late on and Widnes losing.

Then came Saints vs Hull FC.  Now, I am a Saints fan.  I had no hopes going in.  I mean it, if they’d only lost by 10 points, I would have been happy.  They had been that bad.  It was also the new manager’s first game.  Low expectations were the order of the day.

They won.

45 – 0.

No, I can’t explain it either.

(The ever wonderful Saints team lining up)

I have no idea how Justin Holbrook did it.  At the time, I wasn’t sure if he’d just told them that he didn’t mind them playing badly he just demanded that they play like professionals, or if it was Saints being their usual inconsistent selves and being awful one week (vs Castleford, I have legitimately never seen them play worse) and good the next.  Since then, it seems to be that it’s Holbrook being a damn fine coach because Saints won the derby this week.  (The Saints vs Wigan derby is often held up to be the origin of the phrase “derby match”.  It’s a big thing locally, and the first official one was 122 years ago.)

The last match on the Saturday was Wigan (them, the great sporting evil) vs Warrington (who are so perpetually the bridesmaids that even they make jokes about “this being their year”).

It was a 14-14 draw.  Warrington had the lead, but they blew it.  Because they are Warrington.

(Stefan Ratchford who is my favourite Warrington player)

I think Warrington’s problem is that their line is too high up the pitch when they attack so it just needs one good kick or one line break to completely destroy their defence.

The first match of Sunday was Catalan Dragons vs Huddersfield Giants.

It was always going to be the least well-attended match of the weekend because Catalan are, obviously, a foreign team so, understandably they have fewer travelling fans.  I still say that there were more Catalan fans than Hull fans though.

Half time and between the matches entertainment included mini rugby, touch rugby and various sets of dancers.

And the St. James’s house band.  I discovered that “Take Me Home, Country Road”, “Wonderwall”, “Seven Nation Army” and “Chelsea Dagger” are universal rugby league songs.

There was also a Mushy Pea mascot because one of the Super League’s sponsors is a brand of mushy peas.

The Huddersfield Giant mascot was very good and shook the hands of the mini rugby players as they left the pitch.

The next match was Leigh Centurions vs Salford Red Devils.  I’m not sure why the Leigh mascot is a pig, but here he is doing one armed push-ups.

I am impressed.

Last match of the weekend was Castleford Tigers, league leaders, vs Leeds Rhinos, their local rivals.

Rob Burrow, who is my favourite player, despite the fact that he plays for Leeds, was playing.  Now, for reasons, some of the teams were wearing superhero-branded kit.  Wakefield were wearing a Spiderman inspired kit, Hull an Incredible Hulk one, Warrington a Thor one (which makes sense because of all the Ashton Sims is Thor jokes), Catalan Dragons wore an Iron Man themed one and Leeds got Captain America.  This is a problem because Rob Burrow looks like Steve Rogers pre-serum, in comparison to the other players.

Tiny Rob Burrow’s vital stats are he is 5 foot 5 (165 cm) and 10 stone 6 (66 kg).  And he’s a pro rugby player.  His lack of size may have some bearing on my love for him.  That he is also awesome also does.  Despite the final where he came on at half time and stole the championship from my team by hustle and moxie.

Castleford won.  I think the Castleford fans won for loudest fans of the weekend.

~~~~
It was great fun.  I recommend going to Magic Weekend if you get the chance.

It’s an amazing experience getting to be around so many people who love rugby.  For example, there was a try-saving tackle by a Widnes Vikings player that got cheers from all the crowd (except the Wakefield fans, justifiably) because it was an excellent piece of play.
Seeing all the teams play, particularly from the vantage point I was at, meant you could get a much better feel of how they played than you can from the TV.  On TV, you often don't get to see off-the-ball play as much. I got to see some marvellous rugby, both attacking, such as Tommy Makinson’s try, and a lot of the tackling.

The atmosphere was great too.  I’m 5 foot 3 and a woman and I went on my own but I knew there wouldn’t be any trouble despite all the fans sitting together, not being separated by team affiliation.  There was a fair bit of banter, such as the Wigan Warriors fans walking round the pitch with a banner saying “We came, we conquered, we ate all the pies”*, which got the expected response (and the Widnes mascot giving them the thumbs down).  Or the Warrington banner saying “it’s always our year”.  Then there was the back and forth “stand up for St Helens,” “stand up for the champions” and “stand up if you hate Wigan” chants.  Or the Wigan and Saints fans joining together to taunt Warrington.  Or the Wigan and Saints fans having a throw football match.  The stewards were most disapproving, because they are used to football fans but the supervisor steward knew rugby fans are mostly harmless and threw the ball back.

On Sunday, there was an adorable child Leeds fan who ran round a group of Castleford fans when Leeds scored and just got chuckled at.

I love how much colour and sound there was.  Fans of every team took the idea of striking the colours seriously, repping their team.  This included fans of teams that weren’t at Magic Weekend, like the Crusaders fans in front of me or the Toronto Wolfpack fans to my left.

St. James’s facilities were excellent, except they could do with a better PA system because it was full of fuzzy reverb.

I had a fantastic time, would recommend going, and plan to go again as soon as I have the time and money again.

*the other team’s nickname for Wigan is the pie eaters.

Assassin's Creed

This began as a review of Assassin's Creed, and turned into a discussion of the nature of storytelling. If you want a review, that's easy:

Avoid. 

Run far, run fast, don't look back, don't try a Leap of Faith in the real world.

None of the following is a diss on the technical people involved. The film was beautifully made. The costumes were amazing, I loved the camera work. 

When you're as good as that cast list are, then the acting is not the problem. Particularly Michael Fassbender at the beginning, he was amazing.

The trouble was it was difficult to care about any of that when no-one is given all that much character.

I mean, Aguilar gets a bit, but the fact that I can only remember the assassin's name and not the modern-day dude should tell you something. The film was really bad at giving the characters names and identities. For instance, the only reason I know that Maria's name is Maria, not 'unspeakably hot Assassin chick' which I had to call her, was because I looked the film up on IMDB and had to work backwards from female actresses listed.

The same thing for the modern day Assassins. I would care a lot more about the fate of Assassin 3 and 4 if, you know, they were people rather than cardboard cutouts that some fine actors were doing their best with. 

I mean it. Name one non-Aguilar assassin just from watching the film. 

There's no sense of them being real people, they have less personality than the NPCs in the game do. 

What Mad Max: Fury Road did excellently well, this doesn't bother to do at all. I'm not given a reason to care about these characters, so I don't, which means the grand sacrifice scenes don't work. 

It's odd that a film that took so much care over everything else (the sets, the costumes, the little details like Aguilar's name and the Torquemada's nose) had such a bad, flat script.

My other problem is not the film's fault. Or rather, I have the same problem with the games but the film emphasises it. The whole, 'there are no rules' philosophy is well and good if you're strong and strapping. If you've the kind of person who isn't, it tends to end badly for you. Relying on people to look after each other in that sort of set up also ends badly. That the film just blithely accepts that the Assassins view of life without questioning it is ooky. 

Some spoilers below.

The film goes out of its way to avoid shades of grey. Whether it's making Cal Lynch a criminal who prays on other criminals (so it's okay to cheer him on), painting the Assassins as completely good and the Templars as completely evil, or just making Marion Cotillard evil all of a sudden (I cannot overstate how bad the film was at giving the names of the characters). That was also a shocking waste of Marion Cotillard. She’s an amazing actress, so use her.

Assassin's Creed annoyed me, because it came so close to being good. It had one glaring flaw, but the script was so bad and a script makes up such a large part of the film that I felt really let down.